essay about IA

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edit my essay according to my tutoring

Strengths: You had many strengths in your paper. You had a very powerful hook. You caught my attention immediately. You also did a great job
referencing work that was not your own. You also did a good job at proof reading your paper, I noticed very few grammatical errors.
Suggestions: You had a good thesis, but all of the ideas of your paper were not included in your thesis. Please be sure that your thesis is specific. For
a research paper like this, the thesis should clearly state the idea, and the main points that will be discussed. You had a lot of great points in your
paper, but they were not in your thesis. I was a bit confused where your paper was going, so please work on the structure. A clear thesis statement is
the key to a well organized paper because it will provide a roadmap for the rest of the essay.
Your paragraphs had good information, but it is important to stick to one idea in each paragraph. Once you decide the main topic the paragraph is
going to focus on, then please do your best to develop that idea; and share examples and supportive research. Many of your paragraphs had quite a
few different ideas in them, and you were not able to develop your topic; the way it could have been developed.
The first instances of repeated issues are pointed out, and suggestions for corrections to be made are given where possible. Please use your writing
resources as well as the given suggestions for corrections to help make revisions and improve your writing. You can also return to the Paper Center
for additional reviews of your work. Keep up the good work, and thanks for using NetTut

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